The 12 MBA Commandments

Hi friendz..the protagonist is back from a sabbatical. Though this one was enforced by a B-school schedule which makes sure that every drop of your blood is used up as ink in giving that 'MBA-touch' to assignments and submissions! Got a break for 3 dayz from the classes - something perhaps unheard of in a B-school and then I realized it was time to pen down my thoughts again.

This post I would like to dedicate to the 'priceless' experience of being an MBA student. A few commandments I have come up with to give you a fair idea of being the best B-school student are here:

1) Thou shall forget about Engineering - MBA is not even close in terms of College life!

2) Thou shall erase the words - Sleep, Sex and Supper from your dictionary.

3) Thou shall jargonize the obvious like:
'apna paisa' --> Shareholder's Equity
'udhaar' --> Accounts receivable
A very important skill to learn because these jargons are the foundations on which you are going to build your monument of consulting advices. And the moment the client realizes that when you say "Reduce your Accounts receivable to increase the operating cash in your business cycle" literally means "Udhaar vasoolna shuru karo taaki dhande mei paisa lag sake"; he is not gonna pay you lakhs of bucks just for wearing that 'Reid and Taylor' suit of yours!

4) Thou shall realize that Microsoft Excel and Microsoft Power point are the greatest inventions man has ever made. You can even hide your pathetic english in those Smart Art and cool effects features being offered.

5) Marketing - A subject in which you gonna read 500 page Kotler as your Bible and then realize its all about telling your customer "This is my toothpaste. It will keep your teeth white and healthy for REAL. And rest every other toothpaste is shit." Never knew this could be so difficult to do that we spend 2 years learning it.

6) Thou shall forget the days of being last benchers in Engineering and start participating actively in class discussions. Never mind if you rephrase a point that has already been rephrased 37 times by your classmates - you shall be conferred with an 'ideal MBA student' award.

7) Thou shall be overjoyed to find a chic living next door in a Co-ed hostel, and then brag to your non-MBA friends how you spent last night discussing an assignment with her in her room. But you shall never show her pic to your friendz!

8) Thou shall want desperately to bunk the class in order to catch up on some morning sleep, but then dash towards washroom for a dry clean session when you realize that all 179 of your batch mates are attending it. A dramatic shift from the Enginnering days when this was only done in the last quarter of semester to take the attendance from 40% to 45%

9) Thou shall be surprised to see that every 2nd guy / girl in the batch is Mr./Miss " I-am-James-Bond-and-I will-take-part-in-every-activity" ; again a remarkable difference compared to engineering where this number was restricted to only 15 or 20 ppl in the batch.

10) Being a part of a club / committee is as important as eating food and drinking water, there is no way around it.

11) Thou shall realize that a 10 marks quiz is a question of life and death and almost everybody is willing to skip lunch, dinner, tea and sleep for scoring good in that quiz.

12) Thou shall know that the following 2 years are gonna be screwing as well as fun and learn to run with every ounce of energy in your mind and body to win this infinite rat race.

Well to my Friendz among MBA junta - don't be offended by the post as I have written it all in a lighter vein ;)
To my friendz among Non-MBA junta: This is what I am going through. Imagine the transformation I have had to undergo to be a part of this sorta culture :)

Hasta'la Vista guys!